If You’re Happy and You Know It

Recently, I've had the honor of spending precious time with my baby grandson, Virgil. Many might categorize him as a “happy baby”.

As a therapist who studies moods and well-being, I’ve walked with people as they search for happiness. I have learned that happiness isn’t constant, it’s measured on a spectrum between ill-being and well-being. We hold that tension moment by moment. Psychologists define happiness as “a state of well-being and contentment”. (Merriam-Webster), and research shows that well-being exists on a dynamic spectrum – between thriving and distress – rather than as a fixed point (Keyes, 2002).

Sometimes, Virgil wakes up smiling, cooing, and content. Other times he wakes up crying, discontent maybe due to discomfort or sometimes no reason is discovered. This is what fascinates me – how fluid our emotional climate can be.

From Chance to Choice

The word happy traces back to Old Norse, around 800 AD where “hap” meant luck or chance. Happiness was something that happened to us.

But today, neuroscience tells a different story. Research from Richard Davidson’s lab at the University of Wisconsin-Madison shows that happiness is a trainable skill – our brains can be rewired toward greater well-being through intentional practices like gratitude, compassion, and mindfulness. You might notice that it is very difficult to be grateful, caring and in the present moment and unhappy at the same time. What was once seen as luck is now understood as neuroplasticity in action.

The Seven Progressive Categories of Happiness

In Destructive Emotions, psychologist Daniel Goleman (of Emotional Intelligence fame) and the Dalai Lama explored seven progressive forms of happiness – each building on the other. Understanding and cultivating these categories can help us strengthen our own emotional resilience and joy.

1.  Amusement – The Joy of Play 

Think of the things that make you laugh or light up with delight. Amusement releases dopamine, the brain’s “feel-good” neurotransmitter, improving creativity and connection (Fredrickson, 2001).

What’s fun for you? Watching a game? Dancing in your kitchen? Baking cookies? Make a list – and give yourself permission to play.

2.  Fiero – The Pride of Accomplishment

From the Italian word for pride, fiero is the satisfaction that follows overcoming a challenge. Research on motivation shows that setting and achieving small, meaningful goals releases endorphins and boosts long-term confidence (Deci & Ryan, 2000).

Think of the last time you felt proud – completing a long project, finishing a tough workout, or solving a complex problem. Let yourself savor that victory.

3.  Relief – The Exhale After Strain

Relief arises when tension or uncertainty lifts – like finding your lost keys or hearing good medical news. This release calms the nervous system, lowering cortisol and re-balancing mood (Sapolsky, 2004).

When relief comes, pause. Notice the breath returns, the softening in your body. Allow yourself to feel it fully.

4.  Excitement – The Spark of Newness

Novelty fuels dopamine and curiosity. Studies show that couples who try new activities together report greater satisfaction and intimacy (Aron et al., 2000).

So try something new – a recipe, a trail, a song, a skill. Excitement renews both passion and purpose.

5.  Awe and Wonder – The Expansive State

Children are masters of awe. Adults can reclaim it through mindfulness and gratitude. Research from the Greater Good Science Center shows that moments of awe reduce self-focus and increase life satisfaction (Keltner & Haidt, 2003).

Pause to marvel – the stars, the changing leaves, the miracle of breath. Wonder opens the heart.

6.  Sensory Pleasure – The Art of Savoring

 Sight, smell, taste, touch, and sound are gateways to happiness. When we savor sensory experiences – whether it’s coffee aroma or soft, warm blankets – we activate mindfulness pathways that ground us in the present moment (Bryant & Veroff, 2007).

Ask yourself: What delights my senses today?

7.  Calm and Peacefulness – The Still Point

This deepest form of happiness isn’t about excitement – it’s about serenity. Meditation and prayer can both cultivate it. Neuroscientific studies show that consistent meditation reshapes the brain’s amygdala, increasing emotional regulation and peace (Lutz et al., 2008). Make a “peace list”. What rituals help you find calm? Maybe prayer, journaling, or a quiet walk. Commit to one each day.

From Mood to Mastery

Moods are extended emotional states. While we can’t control every feeling, we can influence our mood by engaging with these seven pathways. Neuroscientist Jill Bolte Taylor notes that an emotion lasts only 90 seconds unless we keep replaying the story. This means that awareness – followed by gentle redirection – can shift the trajectory of our day.

Happiness, then, is both art and practice. It’s knowing that even when clouds gather, the sky of our well-being is still there – waiting for us to look up.

 Reflections Questions for You

• Which of the seven categories do you experience most often?
• Which could you intentionally cultivate this week?
• How might you build small rituals of happy into your daily life?

By: Karla Obernesser - LMHC.      mail to: [email protected]